Unsent Letters

1. Hey uhm, hello? I asked you the other day if you were mad at me. You immediately looked at me when I called your name, answered by shaking your head no, then immediately looked away. I was relieved. But then it felt like you really are mad at me. You won’t talk to me. I’m here, all nervous and feeling uneasy and then you’re there; happy, active. Like there’s nothing wrong! I hope things will be better soon, I miss you. I’m sorry.

2. People have been teasing us you know? They’ve been making assumptions that we’re a thing and I don’t know how to feel about this. I like the friendship and closeness we have here with all the teasing and operation: annoy me with my own hair, but why don’t we enjoy each other’s company for a while? Let’s not go there just yet. :-)

3. Girl, life isn’t all about boys. It isn’t all about having someone to call as your boyfriend, or someone that can make you all fluttery and make your knees weak every time he flashes you his smile or tells you cheesy pick-up lines he probably found in Google. 

Bucket List #1 - Learn how to play the piano

There’s something about the music this instrument produces that takes me away from the world and drags me to a different dimension I’d like to stay in forever. There’s something about the person that uses this instrument that catches my attention, s/he has this aura that melts my heart and sends chills down my spine. I’m not musically gifted but I’d like to give this a try. I’d like to produce the music that sends tingles to me and to others. I’d like to feel the connection of the keys to the user, and how they speak to the soul.

Living for 14 years thinking all I did was to seek the best in life through pleasing people, and me. I want fame, I want to be in. I wanted to be friends with famous online people because it feels great to be friends with someone famous right? I want to have a lot of followers on social networking sites. I want to be noticed by people. I feel appreciated when someone reblogs/likes my posts and RTs my tweets. It was a way to feel loved because I felt that people irl don’t really notice me. There was even a point in my life where I told myself I’ll study to please my parents, because that would be a way to feel their love for me. And fortunately, everything happened the way I wanted it to be. I felt that my cup of emptiness is finally filled with a tea (bc not a coffee person) of happiness.

After I gained the fame and all, I slowly lost it. I lost (not totally tho) the interest in kpop (which is the sole reason why I gained ~*^fAmE^*~) so my spazzing Twitter account isn’t really useful anymore. Those famous friends I had were big backstabbers. Not all of them though, but because of some of them I experienced being hated online for the very first time in my life. Once again, my cup of happiness became a cup of emptiness.

But when I met Jesus, everything changed. He made me realize that all the fame I had is nothing compared to His unending love for me. He filled my cup of emptiness with His overflowing grace, satisfying me all the way through. If it weren’t for Him, I’m still probably very desperate for a fill of fame and glory the world offers me. What about you? Are you satisfied with what you drink?

I’m already free yet still locked up in my own private prison.

I have been under a lot of pressure, under a lot of hatred. Ever since I experienced someone truly hated me I never felt the same way before. Yes, I can feel at ease but the pain never really fades away. Let go of the past they say, but can we really forget those in a snap? Even if the chains are gone and I’ve been set free, something will still remain. The scars will still remain. I don’t know where this is going now, I just feel that even if everything is already okay, every once in a while I am reminded of it and feel that I am still unforgiven by the past. I am hunted by it. And so I think that I’m a heatherbird, locked up in my own private prison